Is technology ruining your sex life?
With the internet buzzing on our nightstands and smartphones in our hands when we turn out the lights, technology might be driving a wedge between your and your spouse. TVs in the bedroom used to be a novelty, but now a whole slew of gadgets are littering nightstands. TV remotes, smartphones and tablets pile next to our beds, the glow of a blue screen taking the place of couple time. An expert weighs in on why you should keep your bedroom tech-free.
The connection between too-much-tech and not-enough-sex
Blaming a lack of sexual intimacy on a slim, sleek device that feels so perfect in your hand might seem far-fetched, but even the slimmest smartphone can interrupt a healthy sex life. Maybe you’re in bed, waiting for your spouse to brush his teeth, when you remember you haven’t checked Instagram to see if your friend posted pictures of her daughter’s first dance recital. Soon you’re scrolling through six hours of pictures, getting distracted by hashtags, and after a few minutes of staring at you with bedroom eyes, your husband grabs his own phone to check the score of a game on the opposite coast. He clicks on Facebook to heckle a friend about the game, you remember an email you’d meant to answer all day, and suddenly sex becomes something to put off for another night.
The concern with technology in the bedroom
Amanda Cherian, LPC is a marriage and family therapist who expresses concern about the number of gadgets couples are bringing into the bedroom. While working with couples, she says, “Excessive phone and iPad usage is a source of contention for a lot of couples.” The devices, designed to keep people connected, can drive a wedge between couples. Dinner table conversation tapers off as our phones call to us, and she adds, “Bringing them into the bedroom robs couples of precious alone time that could be used to communicate and focus on each other.”
Tips for going tech-free in your bedroom
- Set up a charging station somewhere other than your bedroom, like the kitchen or a home office. Plug in the cords in a way that makes it inconvenient to move them around, so that you really need to make an effort to charge your devices somewhere else. The Vintage Samsonite Train Case Custom Charging Station is available in your choice of colors (Etsy, $98).
- Designate a time each night to retire phones and tablets to the charging station. Start with doing it right before bed, but consider doing it an hour or more before bedtime. Having time to unwind with your spouse is beneficial outside the bedroom as well.
- Buy or dig out an actual alarm clock so you don’t have to rely on your phone’s alarm to wake up in the mornings.
- If you or your spouse like to read before bed, start bringing physical books into the bedroom instead of a tablet or e-reader. If you’re dying to read your latest Kindle find, discuss guidelines before carrying the device to bed. Consider turning off Wi-Fi so you’re not tempted to check email or Facebook “just for a minute.”